for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
