Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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