I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
