the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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