I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
