you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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