Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
