we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
