Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
