I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
