I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
