I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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