So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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