Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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