nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
