I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
