dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
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