He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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