Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize