if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
