I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
