TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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