I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
