So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
This baby is an asshole
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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