no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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