I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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