I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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