Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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