bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
