$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
