I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
