I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
