That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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