It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
