The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
