The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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