"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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