if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
