I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
