By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
