My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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