And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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