you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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