I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm too high and old for this...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
