3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
