I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
