Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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