Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
