He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
