i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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