Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
