Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
