i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize