so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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