I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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