How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
