It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
