You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
