woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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