He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
