Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
