Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
