bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
