Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
