Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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