She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
