my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
