There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
