There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
