Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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