Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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