i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
