Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
